Hi.. I have a problem for so long.. I'm keeping this secret for some 5 years.. I don't know what to do.. This is the whole story, I hope you'll be not so tired reading, I want to have your answers.. OK, I was in 3rd grade when I enter a new school.. I met a new classmate, I keep her name as K.. 3 days later we've been so close friends.. We've been Best friends.. We knew that we have the same village and our houses are almost near.. So, we played together everyday.. We met our new classmate named M.. We played together until he introduce us with his new friend from the other section named J.. He was also in 3rd grade.. He was kind, concern, tall, handsome and had a sense of humor..I have a secret crush with him lately when days passed and had plays with him.. One day in school his classmates tell me that he had a crush on me.. But suddenly he denied it.. Days passed I knew that he and M had a crush on K and in a lonely situation K had the same feelings too..We four are always playing because we knew that our houses are almost near in one village.. So, we played and sometimes doing our home works and some things together.. One day, We played in the playground with a huge hall which you can play basketball.. Then, we think that we can play basketball together.. So we played until J hits K with the ball.. They are fighting until K complained with her grandfather the event.. So her grandfather go to J's house and told him not to do it again.. But K didn't accept his apology so I and K transferred to a new school.. Then, when we turned to Grade 5, M transferred to our school and we accepted the given apologizes of M so we became friends again.. Days passed I heard something that M had a crush on me.. But I didn't give an attention on it.. My classmates know that I have a crush on J.. But when K spoked.. She said she has too.. So my classmates and friends took an attention to K than me.. My classmate ask me if I had a crush on J, I remembered what K said, coz' she is my bestfriend, so I kept it and said NO.. When we turned in Grade 6, they continue to get an attention to K about J.. So every word that K saying about him my heart felt broken, just like I think I'm such a pity.. But one night, when J's birthday come he invited me to come, and when K was passed by there house, we continue playing, and take some apologizes and we accepted it.. So we ask the phone numbers funnily and continue to have a good time with each other.. But suddenly after few months, I have felt so angry mixed with some broken feelings when I've chatted with him I asked him some questions and his last response felt me bad.. He speaked to me some bad words.. And I realized this is the last day I have conversation with him.. I don't know why my feelings is not yet erased.. I think my feelings on having a crush on him is being so deeply.. I didn't care.. I keep forgetting him.. But I can't.. Then, when it's the last day that I can stay with him and with my friends.. I have permission with him that I have to go and go for another country for good.. He didn't care.. So until now, my teenage life won't be completed until he didn't likes me.. So until now I'm hoping that he will likes me, even just a bit.. Yesterday we have a conversation in computer.. He asked me when will I go back, I said after 2 years.. He didn't reply.. I said to my self.. I think he missed me.. But I didn't hope for him to missed me coz' I know that it wouldn't be happen.. I realized/ I think even just a day I should've been let the days past.. Now, I am lonely thinking of him, I'm hoping that he could like me even just a day.. And now that he had his own gf, I am hoping that he likes me though..
Sorry for the long story.. Hope you understand..
I hope you could comment me your reactions, your suggestions, some helps and some tips that I can do for making myself happy even we're apart..
Hope you understand..:(