Question:
Should I forgive my FORMER best friend for what he did 7 months ago?
Ardin
2008-09-26 03:20:06 UTC
My former best friend, Wilson, was my closest friend till February 2008, when we 'broke off' and never made up. This is how it happened: Wilson requested in December 2007 that as we would be in the same class in 2008 but in a different school location (i.e. my school moved away to a place further away from the original location) that every morning while my mother sends me to school in my family's car, we would pick him up on the way as it was more convenient for him. I agreed, so we did just that in January and February 2008. But while in school, when I asked what the homework was for the day (at that time I kept forgetting the homework and since I couldn't see or hear very well, I did not jot down the homework myself), he purposely said 'I don't know' or start giving me all the wrong information (whether purposely or not I really don't know). I constantly reminded him about him promising himself to give his best for the academic year, but instead I find that he had stuck to his old bad attitude of 'heck-caring', thus I was very disappointed in him (that's what best friends are for, to care for each other's welfare right?), and I found him unreliable in terms of homework help, which he promised earlier. This continued for a while until 1 day, I conditioned him that if he gave me all the wrong homework on purpose on that day (i.e. not caring whether he got the info from the teachers or not, or whether he got it correctly), I would not allow him to use my car the next day to go to school. But guess what happened? He said 'there's nothing for homework'. The next day, I got punished and he was let off for 'at least doing something on his paper'. I was outraged and I scolded him, disallowing him to use my car the following day. And guess what? The following day, he is still standing at the waiting area trying to look innocent when my mother drove past. WOAH you should imagine my anger the moment I saw his scawny little body and guilt-free nerdy face. I told my mother to ignore him, but she insists that there is nothing wrong to pick him up, despite whatever he had done. I scolded Wilson in class but he refused to admit his mistake and kept adding 'not my problem', 'my mistake is unavoidable' and all that nonsense to his argument (and still keeping that sick-looking guilt-free face). And unfortunately for me, this went on for weeks. And this was the period when I started to hate him, more and more everyday, and sometimes I argued with my mother over this, complained to my other friends, and scolded Wilson face-to-face until he gradually became mute towards me. What made me rage even more is that he wanted to come to my family's Chinese New Year party for free and for fun. I couldn't believe he could be so shameless, take advantage for me like that and be so irresponsible. But finally one day I called him to tell Wilson that no matter what I could not pick him u[p the next day as my father is using the car to go to the airport for his early morning flight. That was an opportunity for me to stop picking him up altogether, and he knew it. So that episode is gone, but not my newly formed anger and hatred for him, as all his bad attitude is still there. So in the following weeks and months, I called him names baesd on his attitude weaknesses, taunt him, pestered him, sabotaged him, and do whatever that school bullies do VERBALLY. This is the result of what happened in January and February, from best friend to verbal bullying. I know what I do is wrong, and since he is not my friend anymore I shouldn't be bothering him, but everytime I see him or hear him, my blood pressure soars and I get irritated to the point I must say something in order to teach him a lesson. I still have the same hatred now, and because of this long-lived hatred, I've unintentionally influenced my friends to hate him as well. At this moment Wilson is still a heck-caring person, while still 'flirting' with girls (he always hang around with groups of girls since before we broke off, so people, not only me, classify that as flirting) and interrupting conversations of boys to socialise. And his current reaction to me? Silence, ignorance, mute, which someone told him to use this method to ignore bullies. But now I'm tired of trying to get even with him, as this took place a long time ago, and I don't want to get unnecessarily miserable, so I pose this question after reading all this, should I forgive him for what he had done, or should I just not forgive him but control my anger towards him? Please help me with this.
Nine answers:
Ameet
2008-09-26 03:24:55 UTC
YES, Forgive and Forget. Life is too short to be stuck on stuff like this.
anonymous
2008-09-26 05:11:27 UTC
No wait dont forgive him just yet.

He might still be the heck-caring person that you hate so much even if you forgive him.

Talk to him and ask him why didnt he give you the correct homework and ask him if he would like to be forgiven.

Theres a 75% chance of him saying yes because after you bullied him he might not wish to be friends with you anymore.



The best is to forgive him, forget whatever happened and move on.
Dr. Summer
2008-09-26 03:29:50 UTC
I really hope you learned at least one thing from this experience: Writing down homework assignments is your responsibility ultimately, not a friends regardless if a deal was made.



I say you forgive your friend for this and move on. I mean, it was seven months ago. You don't even have to speak to the dude anymore. What happened last school year is irrelevant to this year, in the long run. Go your separate ways for good.
dpsenhrox
2008-09-26 03:40:08 UTC
i broke up with my second-best friend before and we didn't speak to each other for ages. a few months later and we're just on talking terms...we never really quite look each other in the eye but it's better that way. so yes i could say i forgave her...there were times when i knew she was talking about me behind my back but i didn't pay attention to it...i hated the silence and i didn't want to have to seem like a bully.

yes i think you should forgive him......partially. stop abating all your anger on him for the moment - try and be nice. don't make it too sudden - just ask him normal questions about schoolwork (make sure you already know the answer yourself and see if he's still pretending to you) and if he answers correctly, you're pretty much on the way. you don't have to go back to being best friends and drive him to school each day - talking terms is better than all this hatred.

if you don't forgive him, how are you going to know whether you can control your anger? when you lose it, you're not always aware of what you're doing and your shouting and yelling before you even know it. and even if you don't shout, why keep up this 7-month silence? it gets awkward. like what if you get paired up with him for something? what if you're supposed to discuss something with him in class? both of you will be thinking about what happened way back in january.

even if he still lies to you about homework and isn't being a true friend, forgive him and just get back on talking terms. silence doesn't help with the hatred - mostly it just increases it.
?
2016-10-04 13:57:29 UTC
Yep. you in basic terms do it. Forgiveness is definitely under YOUR administration. Forgiveness is something YOU provide. It could obtain UNEARNED for it to be functional. it truly is the reason it is observed as "forGIVEness" and not "forEARNEDness". the only reason you are able to not forgive is for the reason which you have a foul attitude, a "heard coronary heart". you think of that something is owed to you, aomething extra advantageous than an apology. your individual own selfishness is extra significant than your marriage. you're forcing your spouse to EARN your forgiveness. and that may not possible. no count what she does, it won't be adequate to fulfill you. So the answer is which you have the substitute YOUR coronary heart. comprehend this: She had defined this to you, she became into under the impact of alcohol, she has apologixed to you, and she or he's showing each and all the indicators of being truly and truly sorry for her movements. the priority NOW LIES IN YOU, no longer IN HER. you will could rigidity your self to enable it bypass. you are able to inform her that she is forgiven. She is your spouse in existence, so which you would be able to inform HER which you're forgiving her, "no string related", no ifs, and, or buts. SHE is now your "duty spouse". In telling her this, you provide her the main suitable to make the judgement once you're performing in an unforgiving way. you informed her she became into forgiven, now you are able to behave like it. in case you in basic terms can not turn this unfastened, then you certainly could seek for professional counseling. because of the character of the priority (no longer her affair yet YOUR undesirable attitude) I advise religious counseling. the religous counselors have a lot extra preparation and journey with forgiveness than the secular international. while it is composed of that, you are able to remember: God has ALREADY forgiven you for all your sins. That act became into carried out while Christ died upon the bypass. subsequently, in case you % to stay a Godly existence, then you certainly could do the comparable, and grant finished and unconditional forgiveness, whether the sin against you became into so heinous as to be unmentionable. do no longer enable your marriage disintegrate in basic terms so you might meet your individual egocentric desires. tell her she is forgiven, undertake a forgiving attitude, and stay such as you advise it.
Sybil
2008-09-26 03:37:33 UTC
You can forgive him, but will he forgive you for 7 months of bullying? I wouldnt. It is your responsibility to write down your own assignments.
anonymous
2008-09-26 03:25:20 UTC
Dude thats 7 months ago,forgive him or every body will think that you dont have mercy at all,forgive him.
farconville
2008-09-26 03:40:14 UTC
To err is human, to forgive divine... Peace!
anonymous
2008-09-26 03:27:00 UTC
If God can forgive why can't u !


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