Should I or shouldn´t I?

Question

Here´s the deal: I had this really short but stormy relationship with this guy. We were together for 3 months and then he went back to his country. After a year of back and forth emailing I travelled abroad to stay in his flat for a 10 day holiday. Well, it was an epic disaster!!! I met his flatmate and best friend who is a reallly nice guy, and while I was there he was a witness to all the fighting and all the bad stuff that happened between my ex and I. Before you get it wrong I´m not at all interested romantically in this guy. However I am extremely grateful to him beacuse while all this horrible thing was happening, he always tried to ease up the tensions between my ex and me and trying to help so that things could be mended, although in the end there was nothing he could do to save up the relationship. Even though he was not my friend but his, I perceived he was really sympathetic towards my feelings and was always giving me ecouragment to keep my chin up when everything was falling apart. It was terrible times for me and I had no one to turn to in a foreign country but in his own way he gave a helping hand to me but in a manner that wasn´t so frontal as to make his friend think that he was taking my side or anything like that...Anyway for his words and how he tried to light up my mood when I was down I´ll be forever greatful to him.
Now the other guy and I are no longer in a a love relationship. We remained "friends" but I can feel there are still some tension between us. I´d like to leave it all behind and be truly friends but even when he was the one to take the first punch, I feel he´s still resented...I´m also still hurt of course, the truth is that things got really ugly but I´m not one to hold a grudge.
Anyhow to make a long story short, my ex posted a nice video of some street musicians in facebook and I gave a thumb up to the video. Then some hours later I get a FB notice in my mail saying that my ex´s best friend had commented on the video... It was not a big deal, in fact it was very silly but the guy´s a joker. The comment was this: " ooh ohh :)) " .

Anyway I don´t know if it´s my imagination and my mind running wild but at a subtle level I think it was an invitation for me to add him as a friend in FB. Ok I´ll explain this: He probably won´t add me as a friend because he´s friend (my ex) would see it as a sort of betrayal and would get p#$% off but if I add him then it´d slightly be different, wouldn´t it?
But then on the other half of my mind wonders if he´s just written that to make fun of his friend and me because he knows our story and it´s his to say "oh my" or something like that, I don´t know... However they live together so if he wanted to tease him abou this he doesn´t need to do this he can just tease him anytime right?
The reason why I´m inclined towards the first option is because he could have just thumbed up the video but he commented on it as well, this means I would receive a notice...
There was a very similar video to the one I thumbed up, and even some other videos, older from days ago and even more recent videos, and what I find interesting is that from all this videos he only chose to thumb up and comment in the one that I have thumbed up and not any other.... so what do you guys think? Could someone give an umbiased and objective opinion? Is this a subtle way to say add me? Should I add him as a friend in FB or shouldn´t I?

Thank you very much in advance for your help guys!!! :-)

Answer 1

It seems to me that you are doing an awful lot of thinking based on knowing someone under very particular circumstances during a 10-day trip in a foreign country.



Consider that the guy's roommate is likely not entirely unlike your ex in many ways--they are friends and roommates after all.



Consider that you only know the roommate in the context of your emotional distress and that he was, in your own words, your only source of solace.



Consider the cultural differences between you and both guys. You don't say much about why the trip was a disaster, but could some of the arguing be related to cultural differences in the way you and the guys handle conflict?



Consider what you gain or lose by "friending" the roommate in FB. The roommate lives in another country, he is friends with your ex (of only 3 months and it ended badly), and you are not romantically interested in him. What do you gain by friending him? Don't you put him in an awkward position by friending him? Will your ex really care if you did the inviting or not? (My guess is not--he would likely be upset by his roommate accepting.)



So I would think that being FB friends with what is essentially a stranger who you knew only very briefly during a difficult time and are unlikely to see again is not appropriate.



You can and should, however, keep the memories you have of his kindness in your heart and, if possible, do something like pay it forward to someone else. Having good memories of people who helped you out are wonderful, but that does not make the stranger a "friend".

Answer 2

Wow, our female minds.



Sweetheart, we overthink. Yes, we do.



Sounds like you are still friends on Facebook with your ex. Then it would be okay for you to send his friend a friend request. Facebook is only as deep as we make it. And even if his friend accepts the friend request from you, it doesn't mean anything unless he tries to have conversations with you on there.



It's messy, though. It would be best if you not try to date your ex's friend. That friend is part of his world. And sounds like he was just being nice to you while you were there.



So, if you want to, just add him. If he doesn't accept, don't take it personally. If he does, still, don't think it means anything.



Good luck

Answer 3

whoa... thats a long question to read lol. but i think you should.

Answer 4

WHOA.



and of course you should.