Pissed off at myself, my bestfriend, and just need to talk. Cutting? Blackmail?

Question

Ok so i have this friend. She's like my little sister.. She's 14 and i'm 17. Ok here's the deal. I cut myself.. Not a lot but some. Now she's kinda picking up the habit.. I can't stand the thought of that. She doesn't really cut herself, but she pops herself with a rubberband.. Hard. I hate it! I know that it is my fault bec i set the example and she looks up to me. I know i was wrong. I know it! I havent cut though since she told me she was doing this rubberband crap. I said to myself, "this has got to stop (the cutting)" and so i have.. Bec i don't want this for her! I never intended on it and i know i can't complain now, but i'm trying to cope with it. A while ago we started arguing. I don't even remember how it started but i told her that she needs to stop that rubberband crap bec i stopped cutting for it. So if she does it again, i'm just gonna go back to my old ways.. She said, "i can't believe you would blackmail me like that?!!!" and so she totally hung up on me which pissed me off cause i've never hung up on her.. but anyways, I don't see it as blackmail!!!!! The way i see it is, I know i need help. Ok, so she helps me and i help her! If I don't cut, she doesn't do that damn rubberband thing.. She gets pissed off about it, but i'm just trying to stop! I've wanted to this week just about two times, but i didn't bec of that crap.. What do i do??? I know you would want me to quit cutting. I am trying! I really really really care about her so if you would just tell me that somehow you understand me or what i need to do or just anything would help.. Please! .. Thank you

Answer 1

You need to stop cutting for your own sake, not for hers. It’s not fair for you to put pressure on her to be responsible for you stopping. And I also think that you probably know this without me needing to tell you.



If you want to stop partly for her sake then that’s okay, but don’t put a condition on her so that you’ll only stop cutting if she does something. It’s not blackmail, exactly, but it’s not right, and I’m not surprised that it upset her.



Apologize to her for saying that. Tell her that you are trying to stop cutting and you would really like it if she would also try to stop hurting herself, and then you’ll have each other’s back so that you can help each other. But don’t tell her that you won’t stop unless she does.



Edit: Maybe you wouldn’t harm yourself to get her to do anything… but that’s how it sounded to her when you said that. And I’m sorry if this comes across as a little harsh…

Answer 2

It would be blackmail from her point of view but from what I understand this is for both of your benefits . Not cutting is very tough for you and if your going to force yourself to stop for her sake then your a caring person who shouldnt be shouted at or hung up on .



However sometimes that relationship you both have isn't enough. Try and see somebody that can help you like a guidance counsellor. Your not mental and you don't have pschological issues . I can see that by knowing that you are controlling your personal behavior so that she has a better role model .



Maybe you could go to her if you both live nearby and no matter what , talk to her about it . She's doing the whole rubberband thing to vent out emotions just like you and maybe both of you have to step through it together and find new ways instead of this deal that she didn't agree to.



Also I totally understand people who cut and try to hurt themselves for those reasons. It's mental health and we all can;t be peppy like some wacky cheerleader . Everybody should be able to understand you right now just for the sake of humanity .



I've often become so angry and depressed that I've thought about such things but images of that made me feel like that was going a bit far . I started pinching myself and squeezing my arm but then I realized that it was all about to go a bit far and I looked at the reasons why I felt that way and did my best to solve those . Trust me in less than a week I was able to feel a lot better .



I understand it's difficult, but both of you should do it together .

Answer 3

1st sentence-

DON'T CUT YOURSELF!!! That is horrible!!!! You need to talk to a parent/ guardian, school Counsler, your doctor, or a therapist. Cutting yourself seems normal to many teens because it is so common. It is actually an illness though. It is the starting of depression. And girl- you dont want depression. One of my CLOSE relatives just recently killed himself due to depression and guess how it started out- hitting himself.

Secondly- your friend does not hurt herself because of you. If someone came up to you right now, and fell on the floor- would you go "oh well she fell so I guess that means I should too!" NO. Hurting yourself is a self desision that only the person who does it can create. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR HER PAIN. You are not the reason for it. Also, the more you tell your BFF that hurting yourself is wrong- the more she will be driven to do it. So leave her alone- be there for her and Then once you get your help- tell that person about ur friend hurting herself and let a proffessional do the convincing. You are very smart for asking for help. :) I believe in you. Good luck. :)

Answer 4

What I would like to know is how in H E L L would anyone want to cut them selves. Most people could not even be able to skin or gut a animal or fish, they would be that squeamish. How could this ever help any one or any thing to go right in this world. If I knew anyone that did this I would turn my back on them as what are they going to do next, as it may effect me . So I would be out of their quick and lively.

So start as you mean to go on and stop it now before you destroy your life. But you know this but you need some one every day telling you how dumb it is, so you stay straight. Why do you need to do it for your friend , number one you should stop for yourself full stop. Good luck.

Answer 5

I use to cut. It can become a bad addiction. Well you could turn to religious to help or if you don't like that have you guys hold each other accountable. And if you cut because stress then exercise instead of cutting to release stress. Good luck :3

Answer 6

try to pick up a new habit, like punching a punching bag or meditating when you get pissed of. (I personaly beat teh Sh*t out ov my punching bag) Just tell her it's not cool to cut, and the scars will remind you of your past when you look back at them, then make you more depressed.

Answer 7

gh

Answer 8

You have psychological issue. Please get help. No normal person cuts themselves.