I'd like a friend someone to talk to?

Question

ok so i have a few problems but ill try keep it short.
im 19 and im going though stuff have been for abrt 3 years i self harm dont know why, its not for the pain cos i dont feel the pain its werid, i also hear screams in my head and sometimes im so paranoid im too sacared to think just incase anyone can hear what im thinking (i know thats impossible btw) but thats just how paranoid i get, im sorta lonely depressed all the time,
and as you can image depended on one of my close friends though out me going though this, i depended on her alot told her most things i wouldnt even tell anyone about how i got and how scared i got when i got like that and things.
she was sort of like my rock but even though she was my rock and best friend i took out all my anger and confussion out on her bcos she was trying to help and i guess i wasnt ready to say out loud that i needed or ready to full accept that i needed help so i kept on pushing her away but she still stuck by me but back in say june 2010 i guess she got fed up (which is understandable, i dont know how she put up which me for soo long) and she texted me telling me never to contact her again and stuff i dont know if that was cos she got a new bf and yano how girls are when they get new bfs but what ever the reason was she no longer wanted to be my friend (which again is understandable, as its hard to put up with how i get) but my mum new i self harmed but it wasnt because shes not a good mum bcause she is , but i guess as a mum cos she knew she couldnt help me she wanted ignore that fact i self harmed becasue if you dont confront the problem she could pretend its not happening i dunno (thats just my guess)
so anyways now i dont have that friend i have to talk to or trust i have NO1 and i get upset an depressed all the time and im STILL upset about this friend not being my friend. i
its been since like june 2010 and im still upset over it....i dunno if its bcause i knew i hurt her an feel guilty by taking my anger out on her an stuff, or if i feel let down like if we switched places id still stick by her NO matter how much abuse she hurrled at me or tryed to push me away cos id know she was hurting so i feel abit let down, (especially as she was the only one i believed when she said things would be ok and get better and said shed ALWAYS be there for me)
i beat myself up about it everyday ever since like june 2010 it goes though my mind all the time and i dont know what to do.

i dont blame her for not wanting to be myfriend i even before june 2010 asked her to stop being myfreiend becasue i knew id try and denie that i needed help and end up pushing her away by being mean but she was all like NO were friends ill help you with this.
AM i taking tooo long to get over this friend????


And I really want to but i cant write to her or contact her because i tryed that when it first happened, shes just she doesn't want to hear or know anymore (but again I don't blame her) and I don't want too seem even more pathetic an she most probly doesnt even think about me cos she always has TONNES of friends an stuff.
I just wanna know if it's NORMAL for me to keep thinking about this friend?
I feel like I don't deserve to have friends or any1 to e nice to me I think that's why I'm mean to people to try an push them away :(


SORRY if it too long

as i now NEVER see or hear from her and probly never will, so even if i do get help shed never beable to know so she couldnt see id changed if getting help would work and change me back to how i used to be :(

Answer 1

Tell u what, send me a message to [e-mail] and I can help ya. I swear.

Answer 2

Ah, I'm so sorry :\ I know how you feel - I've been in the same situation. I used to always push people away because I would have rather been dead than to have admitted that I needed someone to be there for me. If you truly miss this friend, and you've really learned your lesson about how you shouldn't push her away, you should talk to her. Tell how how you sincerely feel. And if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. Life moves on, and you should too. Try not to think about her, try to find someone new. I know things probably seem really hopeless right now, but I promise life will start to look up soon. Of course it's normal to think about your friend for that long. It seems like you were really close to her, so I don't blame you at all for regretting what you did. Try to get her back, is my advice. And if it doesn't work, then just go on with your life. You're only 19, you have the rest of your life to look forward to. Good luck.

Answer 3

no, i dont think that you're takin too long gettin ovah ur friend, i agree wid you whole heartedly, ive been through what you have minus the cutting, evryone has problems but evry1 also needs someone to help them through it. i have someone like that, its really heard for me to trust, but she stayed wid me for so long and i began to trust her. all my walls a re down now, if she backs out on me, ill be worse than wats goin on. its hard to trust someone, so i always blocked people out, but u cant keep ur emotions in forever. the stronger you are, the harder youll fall



the stuff i talked to her bout is preety much stuff i can neva tell my family. the problems you need someone outside ur family to passs judgement on. ur family will always have dissapointment, cuz theyve known you since you were young, theyre a bit narrowed minded



you can always talk to me or just post somethin up like this again n people will reply!!! your not the only one, yu jst need ta trust again

Answer 4

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