My 11 year old daughter wants a perm - should I allow her?

Question

My 11 year old daughter told me she wants a perm so her hair can be wavy. She says that ALL the girls in the 6th grade at least do something with their hair (hair dying, perms, etc). I do not believe that is true, but I am noticing that there's an increasing amount of kids getting their hair done that involves performing chemicals on them. She feels left out, and she says that more children want to hang out with the ones who are doing "cool things" with their hair. This business with children using chemicals to alter their hair has been going on at her school since the 6th grade started. I think she may be too young for a perm and it may damage her hair. I know it may partially have to do with "impressing" the older students - mainly the high schoolers. Some of the girls in her grade are starting to hang out with kids in the 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, or even 12th grades. My daughter says it's because those girls look cooler than her, so they attract more people to want to be friends with them. Should we just give in and let her get it permed? She's been begging us and coming up with reasons why we should let her but it usually involves having to do with what other kids are doing, how the older kids think of them as cooler, how she's left out, etc.

Answer 1

No No No. Do not ruin her hair with a perm.

Answer 2

Most girls in the U.S. have been getting perms long before they were 11 years old - young girls have been doing that for YEARS, probably before you were even born.



Let her get a perm, if she wants one. It won't hurt anything. She probably won't like it after she gets it anyway; but live and learn. It's not going to "curl" her hair; it's just going to add body to her hair.

The chemicals that are used in today's perms are not strong enough to burn her scalp or damage her hair. Think of the chemicals in modern-day perms as being somewhat similar to a strong "setting gel", except that a perm is longer-lasting.

Answer 3

No. She is still developing her social skills and if she sees that this gets her a little attention she might keep relying on fads to fit in. In the long run it could cause her to be more vain than outgoing. It will be tough for her but she needs to figure out that this is not the way to make friends. You have to be careful about how you tell her no though. Simply forbidding her will give her the impression that she was deprived of something she needed. I suggest that you find a more original way to change her hair, something that expresses her personality. After all, copying what everyone else is doing won't make her cool. If she wants to be cool she has to stand out and the only way to do that is to let her personality lead her in her own direction.

Answer 4

No, she's too young and as you know it can damage her hair. Honestly I don't know many people who get perms anymore and well they never have lasted long.



Get her a flat iron that has a wavy attachment and teach her to use it, in moderation since those can burn your hair. Be sure to put it at a lower temperature and get some heat set that will protect her hair. There's also non heat options out there that can have similar results of the wavy look (youtube is your friend). There's new curlers/rollers that require no heat other than a hair dryer to help it set.



http://www.sallybeauty.com/purple-grip-rollers/SBS-539955,default,pd.html?list=Home%7cHair%7cHair%20Styling%20Tools%7cCurlers%20%26%20Rollers#start=1



Another compromise may be to let her color the ends of her hair (the last inch or two depending on her hair length) another color like the pinks, purples or whatever color she likes. That washes out in about 2-4 weeks.



I have girls a few years older than her and 11/12 is around the age that girls start to want to do those things, both of my girls did. I have a 12 year old niece and she has colors in her hair too. Seeing my niece and her friends, a lot of girls your daughter's age are doing what she says.

Answer 5

No - absolutely not.

If that means that she isn't going to be allowed to hang out with older girls, that's excellent. Letting her do that is just asking for trouble.

Your daughter needs to understand that 'looking cool' like those other girls and attracting equally shallow, superficial friends is a bad thing - she needs to be independent, act her own age, not care about looking cool and stop wanting to be a sheep, following the crowd.



Your daughter is still a little girl - encourage her to enjoy that. She'll be grown up soon enough. Don't let her grow up too fast.

Answer 6

No No No. Do not ruin her hair with a perm.

Answer 7

Your daughter doesn't need a perm to be honest she's only 11...