Could he be a peodophile? what should I do?

Question

It's a long story, but basically about 4 years ago a girl who was friends with my daughter, she was 12/13 at the, had just moved, and she used to occasionally babysit for her neighbours, she started receiving text msgs from the man, explicit and suggestive, at all times of day - she confided in me at the time as she didn't know what to do. Anyway, the man now takes his 4 year old daughter to my daughters playschool, his wife is in hospital long term (don't know why) and so he is looking after the little girl - and to be honest all i've thought about the last couple of days is what if something's going on? I noticed today the little girl looked really sad when he picked her up - she's missing her mum probably - but what if it's something else? I don't know what to do for the best - he's well known in the community and seems to know lots of people. I feel awful for thinking such things about him - but WHAT IF? any advice would be appreciated. thanks

Answer 1

go to the police and social services, if nothing is going on then u will have peace of mind.

it was definitely wrong for him to be texting this girl, so i would feel the same about him looking after a 4 year old!!

please go 2 the police, for the little girl please!!!

Answer 2

You really should report it to Social Services. I have done Foundation 2 in Child Protection. What people do not understand is that Social Services are not there to wreck families but to help where there are difficulties. They will visit the father and speak to him and the child in a most gentle way so as not to upset anyone. It is your duty if you have any doubts at all to report this. If you leave it and there is something going on the child is suffering which could be prevented. It may be that the father just needs a bit of help and they would be able to give and support this. It may be the child is at threat and they will also support the child. They do not rush in and take the child away without ground evidence which is why they investigate it first. If they have to remove the child they would place her with family first so there is the least possible upset to the child. Normally if there is something going on you will not be the only person who has noticed. Social Services obtain a lot of information from different sources before they take any action and not just from one person. The will have information for schools, teachers, doctors, churches, dentists, neighbours, friends, family etc the list goes on. Then they build a case on this. Reporting it should not make you feel guilty but confident that it is the right thing to do. You can be kept anonymous if you wish.

Answer 3

You really should report it to Social Services. I have done Foundation 2 in Child Protection. What people do not understand is that Social Services are not there to wreck families but to help where there are difficulties. They will visit the father and speak to him and the child in a most gentle way so as not to upset anyone. It is your duty if you have any doubts at all to report this. If you leave it and there is something going on the child is suffering which could be prevented. It may be that the father just needs a bit of help and they would be able to give and support this. It may be the child is at threat and they will also support the child. They do not rush in and take the child away without ground evidence which is why they investigate it first. If they have to remove the child they would place her with family first so there is the least possible upset to the child. Normally if there is something going on you will not be the only person who has noticed. Social Services obtain a lot of information from different sources before they take any action and not just from one person. The will have information for schools, teachers, doctors, churches, dentists, neighbours, friends, family etc the list goes on. Then they build a case on this. Reporting it should not make you feel guilty but confident that it is the right thing to do. You can be kept anonymous if you wish.

Answer 4

Mmm, you are in a tough position. You have to do the right thing by the girl, but if nothing untoward is happening you don't want to cause the man any pain or stigma.

Is there somebody in a place of authority that knows how these things should be approached? Maybe you could speak to a child case worker or police and not actually name the man, and explain to them your suspicions and ask about how this is dealt with if you were to name him?

I would suspect that your daughter being in the child care industry would have a duty of care to her charges to report any suspicions to the authorities. Can the authorities act on a responsible persons suspicions without any evidence? is there a way to question children without causing further damage? If you could ask police or child case workers these questions it will give you a better idea of how to approach this. I know I haven't given you the answer, but I think a professionals answer is really what you should seek.

Good on you for caring enough - I admire you for that.

Answer 5

My only confusion is this. Why would a 12/13 year old girl confide in you and not your daughter, who you said was her friend? Strange. Have you seen these text messages? If not, I would wonder if the 12/13 year old girl had a bit of a crush on you. Be careful - if Social Services get involved it can get messy - you need to be 200% sure of your facts before getting any authority involved as they will take the children away and ask questions later which is fine if the kids are in any danger but if not then it can cause nothing but hearache and especially for the kids.

Answer 6

I would voice your concerns to the playschool headteacher. They are very well connected and highly trained (i know as I am a teacher) in spotting signs of child abuse. If you tell her then you will have a whole team of highly trained staff on the lookout, and if they think somethings wrong then CPS will be there like a shot, wheras they are inclined to fob the public off a little as there are quite afew false allegations. The head is your best shot.



The thing to remember is that most of the time paedophiles are respected and active members of the community. They rely on their status to remove any niggling doubts that neighbours may have, and thats why they can go for so long without getting caught. So seriously, talk to the head and it'll all be sorted.

Answer 7

When this man was sending a 12 year old suggestive messages and the girl told you then you should have gone to the police that day! Now he could be doing damaging things to his little girl and if social services doesn't find anything in their "investigation" (abuse may not be leaving marks) nothing can happen. All you can do is call and report that you have concerns, you missed the chance with evidence he likes young girls.

Answer 8

I agree with you...I think you should make an anonymous report to Child Protective Services (if you have one of these) and just tell them the concerns. His behaviors are WAY out of line to send explicit text messages to a 12/13 year old. Most likely he will be a pedophile if he hasn't been abusing his daughter already. This is terrible!! I would encourage the 12/13 year old to report him as well. His behavior is unacceptable! And YES..it is definitely reason for concern for pedophilia.

Answer 9

this is obviously very serious and a subject you have to approach carefully.

I would contact a professional for help - for example social servies, or contact the NSPCC or even the school where the child attends. - it is important that the school/playgroup knows - as they too may be aware of something.

Whatever the decision you must tell somebody, to try and sort this out. If it's all innocent then you can move on, knowng you have done what's best for all concered and have done no real harm to anybody in the process.

The important thing is you tread very carefully and keep it strictly between you and the proffessional service you choose to use.

Answer 10

You need to call the local children and youth organization in your area.. Call the local police department for the number.. they can open an investigation (they will on a report) and usually they will make sure that you remain anonymous.

My thoughts and feelings are this.. you are being nudged with these thoughts for a reason.. your instincts, gut feelings etc.. but don't ignore it.. Usually that stuff is right on.. and not only do you have the responsibility of speaking for the little girl who does not have a voice but you may be saving countless more victims..

I will pray for you in this time, but honestly the decision is yours ultimatly.. call..

Answer 11

Well, all you have is the girls story. It probably was true but I don't know what or if the police would do anything. They at least could advise you, though. What did you do about it 4 years ago when the 12 year old confided in you? Where is she now? This keeps coming into your life for a reason. You can't ignore it.

Answer 12

read back your own words



she was 12/13 at the time, had just moved, and she used to occasionally babysit for her neighbours, she started receiving text msgs from the man, explicit and suggestive, at all times of day - she confided in me at the time as she didn't know what to do.



I think you should pass this knowledge onto the police, to be honest i think you should have contacted then at the time, but who am i to judge. The police should have a dedicated unit for child sex crimes. They should seize his phone, and will be able to undelete messages from it.



Its likely that what you know could be the tip of the iceberg of something depraved, don't allow this to carry on.



I feel for you but do it please. You're in a good position.

Answer 13

WOW this is really a hard one.For starters men in general are kind of weird.from my understanding you said that this other girl was like 11 or 12 something like that,him texting her was wrong he is probrably twice her age.When she confided in you,you should have right then had a talk with this man or the girls mom!!!!He was making her uncomfortable and she went to you from my understanding of what you wrote. now as far as his daughter,she is prob. missing her mom.i dont want to think he is messing with his daughter.How well do you know him?like i said him texting that girl was really wrong but that dont mean he is messing with his daughter.its really hard to know what to do in a situation like that,she has already lost her mom more or less and if you really think he is doing something to her then she is going to lose her daddy.i think i would talk with the person in charge at your daughters playschool,tell her what you know about him texting the other girl and your fears of what he may or may not be doing to his own daughter....let her take it from there.something else you can do is talk to the littles girls teacher ask her if she has noticed anything different in her behavior if not then i would try not to worry about if the teacher has then i would most defitenly say something to the person in charge.Above anything you are a mother your self it could be something you are feeling at times you need to follow your own instincts...do what you feel is right...all else fails pray!!!!

good luck and god bless

Answer 14

You could contact Social Services and voice your concerns. They may or may not do anything depending on who picks up the phone. I know from experience that Child Protective Services in North Carolina, USA WILL NOT PROTECT THE IDENTITY OF THE REPORTER. I don't know what it's like anywhere else, just a heads up, you could end up wishing you hadn't gotten involved. If they give your name to the abuser, there could be retaliation.

Answer 15

Tell social services they are duty bound to respond to worries like this. Do it for the little girl, if your wrong your wrong but you will be doing it with the childs safety in mind. And as you say he has send suggestive and explicit messages to children before. Doing nothing could be the worst thing you could do. What if he is harming the girl and no one does anything. Social services will keep your name out of any investigation.

Answer 16

personally i would contact social services, and tell them your concerns. They can then look into it and if there is nothing to worry about, then at least its been looked at. And if there is concerns then they can do there job. You have to do something for your own peace of mind. If anything ever did happen to the little girl you would feel really bad about it, knowing you could of done something. You can do this anonymously if you want too. Good luck, and lets pray that the girl is ok xx

Answer 17

A guy acting inappropriately with a teenager is bad, yes, but it doesn't mean that he's abusing his own daughter. If the little girl's mum is in hospital, it's natural that she's going to be unhappy. I think you need to be very careful here - if you wrongly accuse him, you could ruin his life, and that of his child since he's all she has right now. Why not have her over to play with your daughter and gauge the situation a little better? Then, if you really feel she might be at risk you could contact social services. Just be careful, this is such a tricky situation, and it sounds like your suspicions right now don't justify accusing him.

Answer 18

Report this man as soon as possible, too many people keep quiet.



You dont have to give your details just voice your concerns.



I hope you update us with the answer, I was abused as a child a kept quiet for years, I am now a 41 year old mother with a son and still find it hard.



Go with your instincts, like we all should x

Answer 19

Since there is nothing solid here, your best course of action is to voice these concerns to whatever agency is involved in child protection...or maybe police would do it for you.



They can then investigate...maybe question the little girl at the daycare...and see if something is amiss.



The text messages concern me, but there could be details you don't know...like whether or not the guy knew he was texting a 13yo instead of an adult. 13yo girls are prone to lying about their ages sometimes.

Answer 20

I would report it to the NSPCC and social services (both since I have my doubts over the effectiveness of some government departments who seem to have a 'tomorrow will do' attitude). I'd also mention that you have heard bad reports about the father to the preschool manager. At least then, if the preschool have any suspicions but can't 'warrant' their feelings it might give them the extra push to report.

Answer 21

Did you actually see the txt and can confirm that they are genuine. This is a very serious allegation and can cause a lot of trouble and heart ache if it was made up. If you seriously have genuine concerns please talk in confidence to an organisation such as childline for advise. You can remain anom .

Answer 22

it will do no harm in contacting the authority's,and if there is nothing to worry about all well and good,but if there was then you may have saved that little girl from torment and abuse,its always best top be safe rather than sorry ,imagine if you do nothing and that little girl will bee suffering in silence,its your duty as a citizen to protect the innocent when you believe an in justice has been carried out.i wish you well.

Answer 23

Go and tell. That is the only way we stop these evil, S-O-Bs'. It is vital. Just imagine if you don't. That little girl may really need you. Tell the truth to the police as you are aware and then you will know that you have done as much as you are able. Good luck and do not be afraid. x

Answer 24

This advice is something you must really,realy think about before you act on it: Ask the man if he would like a break from his daughter. Suggest that you take her for a weekend. Get closewith her ... gain her comfidence... & speak with her using your motherly love....I'm sure you know what to ask and what to loolk for. If your suspicions are confirmed, then he must be reported to the proper authorities.

Answer 25

If possible try getting in contact with your daughter's friend. Maybe she could give you something more to confirm this man is doing something he shouldn't. If you can't then try contacting someone like an officer and let them know your concerns and you are just trying to protect the child.

Answer 26

i would confide in the head person at the school. they may be able to pick up on signs from him little girl that your not seeing that may suggest if shes sad because she misses her mom or if there is something else. OR block your phone number and call the school when you know its closed and disguise your voice and leave an anonomous message voicing your concerns.

Answer 27

this is obviously a big concern for you,and anyone in your position would also probably have concerns,the best thing you can do is to go to the police or even social services..they will investigate the situation..its good that you are concerned .and if you are right its another pedo off the streets.if you are wrong at least you know and have the childrens best interest at heart...

Answer 28

tough call....really you should have called someone the first time you heard about these 'suggestive' texts, they only thing i could suggest would be to contact social services, you can do this anonomusly and they should start an investigation....and you would otherwise be kept out, but think long and hard about it, before you do so, imagine having your child taken off you when you are innocent....because thats what they will do if there are sexual alligations that need to be investigated

Answer 29

Even if he is doing nothing to his own daughter, you should report your concerns to the police or social service simply because of the explicit texts he sent the other girl.



That is just wrong of him.



Go with your instincts.

Answer 30

what if,i dont think is the case here hun she was a child and was recieving explicit n suggestive texts i say act.Many are well known and well liked in the community but that shouldnt hold you back thats what they do as a guise for back up and its also a way to get people entrusting their child with him.

I'll ask you one question it'll help you decide your next move,would you let him be alone with your child?

the answer to that is what you must act on.

Answer 31

trouble with life and that it is you think about things you can discover things that people may not want discovered and yer left thinking "i wish i never caught on", as all it does is give u jib and you can't get peace with it.



I personally think if in doubt leave it out!! If you know for sure that something is going on then call the social services and tell them of your concerns, afterall that's what they are there for. If you are not sure then leave things be



but if i was doubtful but still concerned then i'd think of a way of finding out so i can be certain. i'd get closure on it and then i'd ring the social services

Answer 32

obviosly don't go shouting it out without evidence as it's a serious accusation to make. Try talking to friends who also know the guy ask their opinion, if possible talk to the child, down down right ask her but see if there anything wrong with her she may say something to you, ask other people who know the young girl see if they think she is okay. You deffinatly need to say something about the text as thats really wrong!

Answer 33

You know what, I think you should speak up. Better to be safe then sorry. I'd hope someone out there was looking out for my kids. Plus don't mean to be funny but you should have spoken out when he approached your daughter with suggestive texts. She was still a child.

Answer 34

a grown man who sends explicit texts to a 12/13 year old girl sounds like a paedophile to me! now whether he's interfering with his own daughter is another matter. sorry can't offer any advice.

Answer 35

i always think when a child could be in danger then even the slightest bit of concern needs to be investigated i'd phone social services (if in uk) or if in usa then im sure ull have some child protection services id phone them anomynousely and tell them exactly what your concern is and about when he sent suggestive msgs and they will take it from there.

Answer 36

You have got to go to the authorities, most women have a sixth sense when it comes to things being on the wrong tracks, if it works out you were wrong, your name don't have to be given and no one gets hurt, but if you leave it and you are right i don't think you'll ever forgive yourself, sometimes i think instinct is a good thing, all these dirty b******ds should be hung by their ***** and slowly cut and put salt in their wounds

Answer 37

Need to protect the children. The man may be innocent but what if if is not? Just check for the child's sake.

Answer 38

I think it's possible that he could be.

It might be best to leave it for a while, but if anything you think is really suspicious or bad going on you should voice your concern to someone, maybe the police.

Answer 39

I would contact either the NSPCC or social services and ask to speak to a duty social worker. Tell them your concerns and why you have them, and they will guide you in an appropriate way. You can speak to them anonymously if you wish. It may put your mind at ease - but whatever the outcome, he was wrong for what he did to his babysitter and i am sure i would share the same concerns, if i were in your situation

Answer 40

Mention your concerns to the Police

Answer 41

just mention it to the police its the best possible solution if it turns out to be false then its no big deal but if its true imagine what his daughter is going through, that HAS to be stopped

Answer 42

look if ure feelings r strong about this call a social worker,n they will hav the little girl checked out,,n ck him out n they wont tell him who called,it takes all kinds of people out there to do bad things to littlt girls or boys,,u mayb just saving her life,,good luck

Answer 43

Call the police, and tell them your concerns, perhaps you should listen to your instinct, because you never know what people are up to. It's better to be safe than sorry !



Jordan

Answer 44

speak to his daughter's teacher. she/he can ask the child discreetly. that will give you proof. but his messaging a 12 year old is a bad sign. however you do need proof.

Answer 45

Do you know for a fact the babysitter was 100% and not just a sh!t stirrer ?

Answer 46

Ring social services and explain everything, they will go and check on the little girl. You must do it as soon as possible because the child could be going through hell. xx

Answer 47

report it to the authorities right away if he is genuine then he will understand and if he is not then the sooner he is away from the children the better. he sounds wrong to me. GO DO IT NOW

Answer 48

better safe than sorry. If something did come out you would feel terrible. Report it confidentially, if alls okay it will be fine. No one can take any risks with things of that nature.

Answer 49

phone social services and explain to them without giving names, it might be innocent but better safe than sorry.

Answer 50

ask your daughter about what's going

on, then ask the man who you think's

abit dodgy. if you think that something's happening

then contact the police.

hope it helps

x

Answer 51

i agree to go to the police and VOICE YOUR CONCERNS ... don't blame just say you feel that somethings going on that shouldn't and u want it checked out

Answer 52

maybe try to speak to the little girl alone.

i would be worried crazy just like you but can you imagine if you are wrong? it will be a nightmare to that family

Answer 53

i would go with what you feel if it turned out to wrong who cares your looking out for his child ur chld and other people at the en of the day , and if something is going on then , well least you have recognised it ..

Answer 54

you can contact child services in your town and explain your concerns and past information that you have. let them check it out...

Answer 55

I wouldn't put it past him. Alot of people are gulity of things we think they wouldn't do and are often well-known and well-liked.

Answer 56

You should phone the social services and tell them your concerns... and they will take it form there

Answer 57

call child endangerment/investigative services and voice your concerns.

Answer 58

a couple options:



1) the satisfying beating the sick SOB to a pulp, however jail may follow

2) Call the authorities

3) Hire a PI to find out...

Answer 59

if you are really concerd then go to the police because other children coulkd be in trouble.

Answer 60

Your better going to the police & voicing your concerns

Answer 61

no doubts, you must go to the police, yesterday.

Answer 62

Call child protective services---they will do an investigation and you will remain annynomous.

Answer 63

ask for help or call the police

Answer 64

yeah maybe he is