please help always on my own no one likes me?

?

2010-11-20 08:03:47 UTC

You know what? I shut down like this for a while after losing a very dear person to me. I shut down to the world for a year..and when I decided I couldn't stand being alone any longer I began to go out with friends again...unfortunately I had lost everything I was..WHO I was. It's like I would always feel so ignorant compared to others and their choices of conversation.

You know what the best life tip would be for someone in your shoes? Take a look at your life, realize the things you love in it the most. Go out with your sister, your brother if that makes you most comfortable. Meet some people in your area online. Find a way to force yourself out side of the box you've trapped yourself in..This is the only way I fell back into the rhythm of life, and to be honest I'm still adjusting, but I can say I have definitely gotten much better with socializing in general.

Just let go, of all the negative about yourself and live.

FifiLaRose

2010-11-20 08:19:00 UTC

It's interesting to notice the big difference between how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us. Many people will not have a clue at all that you are feeling this way and most would possibly be shocked because, as you say you are caring, nice and have a good sense of humour and that probably does come across.

Ok the shyness can be disabling and can hold you back particularly with regards to making a move or showing a guy that you like him back when he takes an interest in you. You are not a 'big loser'! Stop putting yourself down.

I went through a stage of feeling depressed in my late teens due to family problems and extreme racist neighbours - it really shook me up especially because I had lots of friends and really loved life. I was always laughing, loved acting and had a positive mentality - but all that changed and I chose not to keep in touch with friends, gradually I deliberately lost contact with everyone and concentrated soley on studying (I even chose to home study because I felt safer doing so). I sometimes would feel lonely and would wish I was in a relationship more than anything. This was on and off between the ages of 15 and 19 during that time I went to college and socialised but like I said eventually chose not to.

Now, Im 22 and my life as changed. I got out of the area I was living in, moved to a more multicultural place and basically threw myself into voluntary work, got a part time job I love (working with children - who are naturally positive) studying at college, public speaking, drama (all stuff that I used to love). I'm socialising a lot more and enjoying life.

Maybe like me you need a new environment..a new job...new neighbours or something different. Your perspective will change in time as you see the changes in your life take place. It really can happen and yes negative thinking slips back every now and then. For example, this morning, I was around someone very negative and I couldn't stop crying but I was determined not to let them get to me so listened to music and thought about something positive, within moments I was ok again whereas years ago I would've sat there all day crying. People do like you, there is no reason not to. Be logical and look at things as they really are. Negative thinking is a complete waste of time and energy. Open up and let people in, let people see that you are kind, caring etc. Take a risk and you won't regret it. It could change your life. You need to be in a relaxing environment where you can be yourself. You said 'I feel like people mistake my shyness for...' It seems that you are over-thinking about what other people may be thinking of you. Always look at the situation as it actually is, the mind is very powerful and once you learn how to look at the glass as half full you will get into the habit. Good luck, you will get through this - I did =)

JackC

2010-11-20 08:10:09 UTC

Mary, like you I suffered many years of depression and lost all of my friends as a result - some of them stuck by me for a while, but in the end it was all too much for them. One thing you have to realise is that your depression is getting better - that's why you don't want to be lonely anymore.

What you need to do is find a hobby. For me, it was cycling (which had the added bonus of getting me fit again after all those years of lying in bed because I couldn't summon the will to get out of bed) but for you it could be anything - it doesn't need to be a sport, just whatever appeals to you. Perhaps you like to cook? Maybe jewelry making takes your fancy? Perhaps you just like to read? Whatever you choose to do, find a group of people in your area that share the same interest - there are clubs and groups that do all sorts of things these days.

Now for the hard part - you've got to make yourself go to one of their meetings. The first time, you'll probably feel so nervous that you may feel physically sick but once you've got over the first time you'll never have to do it for the first time ever again, and before you know it you'll form acquaintances with other people in the group. Now, I don't know you and the way you portray yourself online may be very different to how you actually are, but you don't seem like a loser and even less like an unpleasant person, so I have little doubt that before long you'll find some of those acquaintances become friends - and once you have a few friends, or even one friend, you'll start becoming friends with their friends...and before you know it, you'll have the social circle you want and need.

It's not going to be easy at first, but it really will become easier just so long as you stick with it. You've come a long way already just by wanting the things you want and you owe yourself that bit of effort.

2010-11-20 18:02:37 UTC

I feel sad when I read your words and at the same time I see myself in a way. I know shyness is often mistaken with rudeness. And it makes you ache even more. Sometimes, I feel like I cannot help myself, even though I can help others. That is why I would like to try to help you. I feel like I am suffering and it will never change, so I want to devote my time to helping others.

Please, be strong. Think again of how beautiful you are. Smile and be confident. Listen to uplifting music and think of your good sides. Stop being so hard on yourself by blaming yourself for everything. You are a nice person and deserve to be happy. Use the energy you have on focusing on good sides, not on the faults you think you have. I know you can do it. Relax, focus on the positive and you will see how much easier things will look.

I hope you will feel better. Best wishes!

?

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?

2010-11-20 08:17:50 UTC

Blimey you've got yourself in a right state haven't you.Part of the reason for this in my opinion is that if you feel like a loser and act like a loser people will treat you as a loser.I know this will sound crazy but what you need to do is stand in front of a mirror and pay yourself some compliments.Honestly it's not new age mumbo jumbo.You HAVE to like yourself in order for others to like you.Stand in front of a mirror-naked if you like-and tell yourself what you like about your self.Also if you did volunteer work this would make you feel better about yourself because not only would you feel good about helping people, people would like you for the help you give.And it is a good way of meeting new people.All towns have a volunteer bureau.You must get out of this cycle of beating yourself up.You are a good person inside. You work to support yourself and don't harm others.You deserve your place in society but society doesn't like victims so stop being one! Give yourself a break.Good luck and best wishes.x

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Harry Crumb

2010-11-20 08:07:56 UTC

Are you sure you lost your friends or you're just out of touch with them? I had depression for a while and didn't see any of my friends for several years, but then when I got back in touch with them everything was fine. Maybe just explain to them what happened.

You might want to consider therapy to help you get over the social anxiety. Go see your doctor and explain the problems to him. It's hard but be honest with them and ask if there's something he can do - he might know of groups, or refer you for therapy. Don't be embarrassed it, it can work wonders.

You sound nice enough anyway, just with some self esteem problems. Don't give up, you can sort it!

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2010-11-20 08:01:37 UTC

Hi

I used to be like u.. I’ve lost A LOT of friends in my life. And it’s not something I’m proud of.

And yeah. People told ME to make new friends and said "time changes everything".

But it doesn't.

Love your friends and family because you still have them. Don't take them for granted like me.

And one day, I hope you realize this. :)

thought i would share some of my fav quotes.

"Making mistakes is the building block of life"

learn from your mistakes...

and NEVER EVEER EVER give up!

i know it's a simple thing to say.. but REAL hard to do huh.

you got to realize that in life, there are NO rules...

"Live each day of your life to your utmost ability, enjoy each day of your life, and live each day liek it's your last"

Making your failures the strenghts in your success.

True Wealth comes from the inside. :)

Yes, i might be much younger than you, but i do know how to feels to be in your spot, because i underwent a story much similar to yours..

Hope I helped.

2010-11-20 08:07:18 UTC

i was depressed when my sister died in 08. i'm the same but i dont have girl friends only dudes. but i do talk to my ma and stuff. thats how i am but if i wanted to go out i could why dont you try to get close to some one so you could have at least one friend. but i'm only 18 and i'm in college.i have anxiety and adhd the doctor gave me adderall for my adhd and now i'm not as anxious and i do therapy. you should goto your nearest mental health center and make an appointment.

:]

2010-11-20 08:00:57 UTC

hello(:

well if you have an anxiety disorder, go to a doctor and he or she can fix that.

also, to have friends, you gotta be a friend. Do your best to be outgoing and socialble. Find someone who you can trust(:

good luck!<3