How should I deal with my religion-obsessed friend?

Question

So I had a pretty crappy school-year... I now have to repeat a grade because of some LD related stuff... Anywho, at one point during the year, I was suicidal. I told my friend and he was really supportive (specifically, he made me promise not to kill myself and swore he would always be there for me) and all seemed good.

Anyway, during camp (I'm a junior counsellor) I started to become closer friends with my friend's older brother... Let's call him Max. So Max and I were hanging out after camp with some others, but then the others had to leave, thus leaving Max and me alone in the painting room. And it occured to me that I had never told him the full story of my... 'eventful' year. As his brother already knew, I felt it only fair that I tell Max, too.

Big mistake. As soon as I had explained what "suicidal ideation" means, I got an earful of how suicide would be "giving up on the Lord" and how "the Lord" will "protect" me. So I spoke out my *** for a bit about my religious beliefs (frankly my main religious principal is that God wants everyone to get the **** along) and eventually I told him I had to get going and I left.

That was last Thursday. Friday we didn't see each other much, and when we did, it was with two of our mutual friends and his brother as buffer. But Monday I have to stick around after camp, and I don't intend to let my distaste for confrontation keep me from painting.

To summarise, how do I politely ask him to shove it? One more little complication: he has a crush on me (as does his brother). I don't want to hurt him, but I really can't take that anymore...

Answer 1

Try saying something along these lines:

"I'd really prefer if you didn't talk about religion that much around me. I already made it clear that my beliefs differ from yours. I don't mean to insult you at all, it's just that it makes me feel uncomfortable when you go on about religion for too long."

Answer 2

With the religious aspect you guys will just have to agree to disagree. You both have your beliefs and you show them proudly, whether they are directly from the bible and church or if they are your own unique thoughts and feelings. But you will just have to accept that that is how the other feels. If it is a deal breaker in a friendship then you might have to make tough choices. Personally I just accept my friends how they are as they do for myself. We don't all have the same beliefs but we respect what the other believes. Often we have friendly debates about different topics. I'm getting side tract. Anyway... You two will just have to come to terms that you don't believe exactly the same thing.



The crush thing... you can ignore it, until either gets pushy about it or brings it up and then just tell them politely and gently that you really would prefer to remain just friends (for now). Who knows, they might not even make a move on it. Just make sure that your body language isn't giving either of them the wrong message (that you are interested).



Good Luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 3

It sounds like his brother was a true friend to you, one you would want to keep. So bear that in mind in resolving things with Max. If you think it over, right now, there is no need to ask him to "shove it," politely or otherwise. That's a revenge type response that just brings you down to his level. Just be polite. Go to the painting room. When you see him, say Hi. If he asks how you are doing, say great.



If he knows you are doing well, the religious discussion may not come up. And if it does, a comment like,



"I really appreciate your concern. But I don't feel like talking about religion right now."



should do the trick. You have not put him down, nor ridiculed his religion or religious views, which he has a right to have, just like you have the right not to talk about them. So you are asserting your right, without putting down his. It's a very mature approach.

Answer 4

He just wants to help you. he may not know exactly how but you shouldn't be rude to him. you should listen to him about God all he wants is for you to be saved. if it bugs you politly ask him to not talk about it. i bet he will stop and you can talk about something else.



Just don't be so cold shouldered towards God.

Answer 5

Tell him you respect his beliefs and if he is so bent on finding Jesus, look behind the sofa. That should be a buzzkill for his feelings.

Answer 6

You can still talk to him but if he brings up religion do this- put up your hand to him and say "I don't have discussions about religion with friends. sorry". That's it. If he keeps talking about it say "I am busy" or "Catch you later". It is that simple.