Question:
What should I do in this situation? I don't want to lose my best friend!?
?
2012-10-16 11:07:11 UTC
So my far friend (lets call her S) has portrayed my other far friend (H), something linking to how S was only pretending to be friends with H, so they broke up even though H is really upset and trying to make up with her. But S has other friends so she doesn't really care. Cruel right?!
So anyway, I felt sympathy for her and how modestly she took the situation so me and my best friend (Z) tried hanging around with her to make her feel better.
Unfortunately today it went a bit out of hand and H kind of took Z away from me. She kept talking to her and leaving me out even though I shared with her my locker and I've been really close to my best friend for over 3 years!
I know Im being quiet selfish but i just want to be able to talk to my friend comfortably just like how it used to be, but Z is getting persuaded to follow her lead and forget about me.
I want to talk to S about this matter but I know she'll get quiet angry with me and I don't want anything to happen between us as I love being her far friend!
Please help me? What shall I do in this situation, any polite answers?
Thank you very much.

PS: I can't really talk to H about it because obviously she's still quiet hurt about it and Z is a very emotional person so she'll get all rude about it and leave me!

IM IN A DILEMMA!!!!!!!!!!
Three answers:
?
2012-10-16 11:12:24 UTC
i am sorry but it seems like Z is a really weird person actually all of them are ..

i guess you wil have to follow the wave as they say try talking more to Z .. that is all i can say .. good luck!
David F
2012-10-16 18:34:20 UTC
Friendship is not based on how many minutes you spend with someone, nor how many miles between them.



Neither is it exclusive, nor can anyone "steal" a friend from you. A might monopolize B's phoneline, but that doesn't stop B and C from still being friends.



A friend is someone that knows you and cares for you, regardless of time, distance, or other people.



Take a deep breath, relax, and ignore the childish 'alliances' or 'rivalries' your friends conjure up between each other.



Treat each person as an individual, worthy of respect and honour and care.



Controlling or influencing 'alliances' and 'rivalries' is just plain socially abusive. Deal with people one on one, not through third parties. If someone is socially bullying you, or you witness social bullying going on, speak up and stop it... either directly, or approach your school's guidance counsellor about the problem.



Often, a country has some sort of charter or constitution regarding:

Freedom of choice / belief / emotion / thought or assembly / association



If S doesn't care or doesn't associate with H, that's S's choice. Don't rob S of S's choice, nor boss S around.



If H feels rejected, that's H's choice to feel that way. H could seek out friends that treat H better, or H could wallow in self-pity over losing S. Glass half-full, glass half empty.



If H spends more time associating with Z than with you, once again, that's H's choice. Whether or not you feel left out, or choose to rise above and seek friends who are more inclusive, is your choice. Chose wisely.



Z won't 'forget about you' unless Z gets amnesia or Alzheimers. If you've been an honest, caring friend to Z, let Z choose who and when to associate with. Your patience will be rewarded.



If S gets angry, that's S's emotional choice, and immaturity. Anger happens when an injustice is percieved, but doesn't mean a friendship is over.



If Z is emotional, that's Z's choice. If Z 'leaves' you, that's Z's choice to not associate. This isn't a marriage between 4 people. Why not invite S, and H, to your town, some weekend, so they aren't so far, and go for coffee with Z as well. Sounds like all 4 of you could sit down and enjoy a 15 scoop bowl of ice cream together, if you all collectively figure out how to:



a) express what hurts without blaming.

b) apologize for how you've hurt others.

c) forgive, even if an apology isn't offered.

d) forget, for tomorrow is full of opportunities to bless and encouage each other.
Sonm
2012-10-16 18:11:06 UTC
You really need to be friends with Z and H. But leave S alone if she is going to be mean i hope it works out! ;)


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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