How do you get over losing a best friend?

Question

About a year ago, I met my former best friend (Long-distance friendship. I live in New Jersey, she lives in North Carolina). We met through our mutual love for K-Pop (Korean music) and we hit it off right away.

Things were great from the get-go. In the beginning, we would talk pretty much every day for hours (mostly about K-Pop). It was great. We're so similar and got along so well. Quickly became close. Gave each other a bunch of nicknames and had a bunch of inside jokes.

After about a month though, out friendship became different. Less than a relationship, but more than a friendship is the best way to describe it.

We were REALLY affectionate towards each other and constantly flirted. She would always tell me how happy I made her, and how amazing I am and how I'm amazing at making her smile and laugh etc. I showered her with compliments, I always told her how beautiful and special to me she was (Which she loved. She liked how straight up I was with her). We talked for hours on end, some days all we did was talk to each other. We always hated when we went to sleep at night because it meant we wouldn't talk to each other for awhile. We both frequently told each other how and how much we loved each other, it was literally the perfect friendship/relationship.

We were also very sexual with each other (so yeah it wasn't exactly a typical best friendship). We sexted literally for like a week straight (I kid you not) saying what we'd do to each other ( even though it was long distance friendship, we were going to a K-Pop concert together in New York, Big Bang, and planned on hooking up before/after the concert) and she did send me a few pictures.

But November is when it all changed. I felt her becoming more distant (I remember on Twitter when #ThingsThatMakeMeSmile was trending, I made a tweet and tagged her in it. And she replied "odd but okay" I asked her how saying my best friend makes me smile was odd and she said "Because it is. Really random." Note that prior to this, she told me many times how she loved my "randomness". I was obviously worried and so when I asked her about it. She replied "Nothing". Then the very next day, she unfollowed me on Twitter, de-friended me on Facebook, and ignored my messages. Needless to say, I was pissed. And really really hurt. It took me a couple of days to get it together. I was at work when she sent me the message of how we shouldn't talk anymore, and my heart just stopped. I re-read it over and over in disbelief. I was like a robot, just going through the motions of daily living, but I was totally out of it.

On New Year's Eve, I sent her a message asking if she could at least tell me why she cut me off. And it kinda doesn't make sense to me at all.

She told me she felt uncomfortable about our relationship (which I still don't understand because it was always 50/50 when it came to flirting/sexting etc.) and how she was scared that I was attached to her (which I was obviously. Romantic and sexual desire aside, I valued her highly as a friend and would do anything for her.) and said that I was a huge distraction to her (In better times, she always joked how much I distracted her and kept her up at night and how she didn't even realize how much time has gone by because she was talking to me, or how she forgot to do her homework because she was busy talking to me.
She told me how she's afraid of attachment, and that's why she cut me off. She had lost a lot of friends before me, and lost her boyfriend of 2 and a half years (LDR. Her only boyfriend), she didn't pass a Kpop audition and she quit gymnastics for personal reasons, and was just at an all-time low in her life. She said she felt worthless, and like no one wanted her. Except me. She was afraid of feelings coming back, so she cut me off. She told me how a lot of things were going on in her life, and how she's just having a really rough time and wanted to be alone.

She's going through a lot. She is pretty despondent about life from what she's told me, and I wish I could help her, but were not friends anymore, so there's nothing I can do.

Do you think we'll ever be friends again? Even if nothing romantic/sexual happens between us, even if we're just only friends, I'd be content. She seems to think our friendship can't be repaired as she broke it off purposely ( and told me she doesn't even know why, or how she feels about it. She's just pissed off at life. I don't understand her at all.), but I don't care, I just want her back in my life :( I think about her a lot, she's always in the back of my mind.

Sorry for the extremely long question, I just needed to let it all out.

Answer 1

Maybe it was just all going a bit too fast for her? You said she lost a boyfriend of 2 and a half years right? From personal experience I can tell you now that no girl wants to get attached to someone else for a LONG time after a relationship as long as that. Its nothing personal against you, I just think that's the way most girls think. It all started off as just friends and escalated into something else, something which she didn't particularly want, but it just happened, which is no ones fault. Believe it or not she may be doing you a great favour cutting it off now before it gets too much and you really do start to fall deeply in love with her and then she cuts you off later on after you have all these very strong feelings towards her. Take a breather from each other and let things cool down before you possibly make the first move to speak again? I can't imagine her wanting to intentionally hurt you after reading what kind of relationship you had. It is sortable, but just give it time first. Head up x

Answer 2

Losing a best friend is hard. I recently lost a best friend too and it sucks a lot. I know you said she said you were random, too attached, and then defriended you on FB. Ouch! To you everything was 50/50 but maybe you were too needy. If you started to contact her too much, aside from the mutual flirting and sexting, you began to push her away. If this friend wants nothing to do with you, for whatever the reason, there is one. It may be as fake, stupid, and ridiculous as this person may have been, but respect her decision to no longer be a part of your life.





How to get over losing a best friend: Do things to get your mind of the loss. Hobbies, hang out with other friends, make new friends, etc. Time will help and even if it doesn't feel like it now, things will eventually get better.



I can't say for sure if you'll ever be friends again. And for all you know, the friendship won't ever be the same. So you still might feel like you've lost something. Let her live her life. Friends come and go.

Answer 3

Thanks for answering my question, first off. I'm glad you asked me to check out your question because I'm actually in the same situation as you, except I'm the girl :/ I guess now I know how he felt (difference is, he was extremely annoying in the sense that he got upset at the most trivial things and ignoring my texts as you read in my question)



Since I see myself in your friend's shoes, here's what I think is going on: she IS afraid of attachment as she claimed, and she's afraid she'll lose you just like she lost her previous boyfriend, even if you tell her that she won't lose you. More than likely, she feels like a huge jerk for making you feel the way that you do but give her some time. Promise her that you'll be there for her regardless of what happens; it makes her feel secure.



Now let me tell you why I treated my guy the way I did (maybe you'll relate/understand). So we would always always get into arguments over stupid things like why we can't ever do something together but my parents just didn't want me to have anything serious & he knew that yet he didn't respect it the way I wanted him to. Because he kept bugging me about this & because he was being so persistent, I decided that if he & I were just friends we wouldn't have any problems. So I asked him if we could just remain friends but he was even MORE persistent & in the end, it took him days to give me an answer (whether or not he would be my friend).



So perhaps there is a lot going on in her life or her parents don't approve of the LDR (maybe her parents didn't know about her first one and found out about you). I have friends who are in long distance relationships as well & their parents don't know because they don't approve.



Don't think about it too much; but I know it's hard :'( I'm sure we've all been there, but as the cliché phrase says, time heals all wounds. It really does. As much as you think it doesn't, trust me it does :) I'm still healing too lol I've cried so much, so she probably has cried alot as well.



Try coping by going to the gym or just running and doing exercises. Think of all the thoughts of her as sweat. The harder you workout & the more you sweat, the more you're getting rid of her in your mind.



Listen to music too, and your favorite movies. I watched Pixar films because they are so cute and it makes me feel like a child again, when nothing was ever complicated.



Here's a list of movies that I had/have on my list:

Wreck it Ralph

The Lorax

Despicable Me (2)

Tangled

Horton Hears a Who

The breakfast club

Silver linings playbook

Pretty in pink



And there's a movie about a failed relationship where they try to erase each other from their memory: The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (I watched this movie with him)



I hope this helped you out! Good luck! And don't think too much. It's summer! Just relax :)

Answer 4

She sound like a drama queen (sorry to say this), but you see, life has offered a good friend like you, yet she is the one letting you go, maybe she is one of these people who doesn't hold on to the good thing in life. She maybe having a good time but only saying these stuff to get rid of you, (I'm not trying to be harsh or anything), since she said she has lost a lot of friends before you, it looks like she have been getting rid of a lot of good friends including you.



don't try getting her back, find a better friend who is willing to give you time and friendship and is not full of drama.You sound like a good person and you deserve good people in your life.

Imagine her as a book you have read and finished with, and now it's time to start a new book.

Answer 5

It sounds like it really has nothing to do with you, more to do with her going through some things. I'd just send her a short message saying that you still think about her and want her to be happy, and that one day you hope that includes being friends with you again because you miss her. Good luck!

Answer 6

It's understandable why you're upset but it's also understandable why she didn't want to talk to you. You said that she was afraid of getting attached because she thinks that if she gets attached to you emotionally, then you will leave her and she'll get hurt again. I'd suggest that you just give her some time to calm down and try and talk to her about just being friends and she may listen to you :)



She might want to be friends too but she's just too afraid of getting hurt again so just talk it over with her and she might reconsider and start talking to you again :3

Answer 7

Yes, maybe when she gets her life together you guys can go back to normal. For now though she probably needs some time to straighten out things.

Answer 8

Ice cream and watching the entire series of Game of Throwns on Netflix

Answer 9

If shes still alive, You haven't lost a good friend. If she wasn't your friend then you haven't lost a thing. Good luck, God speed.