Don't worry if you are lonely and depressed. This happens to other people too. You are not the only person who have that mental problem.
The depression doesn't start from nowhere. There are usually life experiences that are the cause. Here is the theory I found useful in self-help treatment. It helps to deal with some repeating patterns of your behavior that you may not like and also it may help you to find out what really causes your depression.
In the following theory there are 3 types of states:
- Conscious - things that happen to you and around you that you aware of (you are aware that you're reading this text).
- Subconscious (while reading this text you're also seeing the tip of your nose though after I wrote it the knowledge of the fact that you see it too jumped to your consciousness) - some things that happen to you right now but your mind isn't occupied with them - same with walking or eating - you don't need to think about each your next move - you just put one leg in front of the other or manipulate your fork and knife and food.
- Unconscious. This is going to be a bit long but I hope to explain it. Please ask questions if you find something confusing.
Let's say there's a person who's constantly late to his job. No matter what he does to avoid being late in some way or another he slows down. He blames himself and starts overeating because this helps him feel better. After awhile he realizes he's overweight and blames himself again and promises himself to stop overeating. This causes stress too. He becomes annoyed and starts yelling at his family members and later on he hates this behavior of his too etc etc etc the poor man becomes a time bomb. What he should think about is why he actually was always late to his job. The reason is not obvious. Let's now return to what unconscious state is.
When we're young our mind registers all the incoming signals and tries to classify them. Like our ancestors tried to classify predator/lightning/darkness/... things into dangerous and fire/apples/fresh water/sex into safe things. In a baby's mind mother is in good things because she means safety. On the other hand a dog that scared him will be in bad things. But not just that particular dog but any dog = danger. Let's imagine this child and his parents drove somewhere and suddenly got into a car crash. What would he feel and see? He'll probably feel dizziness and maybe itching in his belly, he'll see his crying mother and also the sun shining and reflecting in a nearby puddle. He'll hear the birds singing. The kid grows up and some day he may go down the street and see a crying woman. He has just had lunch and his belly itches. The day is bright and the sun shines and sun-rays reflect in a puddle and the birds are singing in the nearby park. Suddenly for no obvious reason the man suffers panic attack and runs away. Why? Because just now he's experienced the things that his mind long ago considered linked to danger. This is what his unconscious mind told him.
Now let's get back to the guy who's always late. When he was a kid his mother gave him sweets every day. He had a girlfriend who he always gave half of his sweets because he wanted her to like him and be his friend. One day the little girl was late and the kid was hungry so he waited and waited for her but then ate all sweets. When the girl came and found that out she first burst in tears and then went to the boy's mother and told her he's the one who broke the window. The mother was angry and spanked her son. He never told a girl a thing just stopped seeing her. Now he's a grown up man who forgot this story and now works in the office. He used to be friends with one of his colleagues but once he found out that this colleague has told their boss that the man doesn't pay enough attention to his work. What is the man's reaction? You're right. Each time he goes to job he unconsciously wants to avoid it and that makes him always be late.
Now what should be done in order to break this circle? First of all if you have some behavior of yours that you don't like first of all try to register all the feelings you're having: itchiness, crying spells, etc. Then close your eyes and try to think about your feelings and find any association that comes to your mind. Don't try to seek for it just relax and let your mind show you an answer. If you remembered some situation try to live it again - to feel it. Don't fight your tears or angriness or whatever feelings you have. Express them in the way you should in that situation of long ago. This may make you want to reconsider your feelings about some present situations and thus change the program. Understand that whatever happens to you is not your fault. It is your unconscious mind that dictates your reactions. However now you've realized why and now the things from the unconscious moved to consciousness means you can control them!
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