I just don't know what to do anymore?

Question

I dated my ex boyfriend for 7 months. Yea, that's not as long as most people date but I ended up falling in love with him. Unlucky for me things didn't work out the way I wanted them to. I was stupid and turned things into fights. It sucks that it took a break up and some thorough conversations with my friends to figure out I was the problem. About a week and a half after I broke up with him (which I realized was a huge mistake because I was just trying to play a game to get him to say he's sorry and then come right back) he blocked my number because I'd been trying to convince him to come back and my Facebook for sending him a message apologizing for the week and a half of "convincing". Basically, he wanted space, I couldn't take the hint, I pushed him sooooooo far away. After having a huge breakdown tonight and completely hitting rock bottom in the 'Crazy' section, I figure that if my heart and my mind aren't willing to let go, then I must try something to get his attention and let him know how truly sorry I am for being such a *****. It wasn't who I am at all and I really want to fix it. We've been broken up since late August 2011 and I've become uber desperate. He had a new girlfriend but I don't think he liked her so I'm not sure if they're still together or not. I don't think they are. Yes, I understand he's most likely moved on but I honestly don't know how he feels. I think it's strange how he just wanted to shut me out of his life so quickly. Also, after a big fight after my number was blocked, I downloaded a texting app on my phone that gave me a new number and he hasn't blocked that so that's really the only way to communicate with him now. I'm just so desperate just to get him to look at me like an adult again. Anyone got any ideas? The only thing I came up with was wait like 6 months to a year and if I still feel this way for him (which I get the feeling I will and yes I know that's sad but I just can't help it) and if I still do love him, try to contact him and gradually try to make friends with him and try to take it from there. He had said he wanted to try to be friends also, but I blew it and I don't know if he still wants to try that. And serious answers, please. I really don't want to be alienated here. I'm on my last limb, obviously.

Answer 1

I'm a guy, and was in this spot when I was around 17. I had this really hot girlfriend, and was pretty cocky after we had dated 6 months. I started messing around at this party with one of her friends, nothing bad really, and I truly didn't realize how much I'd fallen for her until she dropped the bombshell on me a week later. I was crushed, and I realized it was real love, for the first time. I did some crazy things to win her back, didn't work, and I was wreck. I became a little obsessed and this just made things worse and then impacted other friendships, even my male friends. I had two choices at this point, as I was on my last emotional legs, go completely crazy (no-one wins) or move on. Moving on doesn't necessarily mean its over, but for your own sake, you need to think of it that way and take an emotional break. Don't e-mail, don't text, just focus on positive things for yourself that make you feel better, like working out, learning something new, change of scenery etc.



One thing though, the emotion is hard, very hard, I never showed it in public, just at night, and when you are on your own, a little release does no harm. Try and put on a stiff upper lip when you are out, pretty soon you won't need it, it will be normal you. I grew up stronger for it and even though we never got back together, we are friends now, 20 years on.



What you are going through is not dumb, its very real and the key message is time heals this and you grow to treasure your first love. So you may not feel it now, but you are less upset and less in shock than you were a week ago, and next week will be better etc. Time will heal, but you need to realize its over, at least for now. If you get another offer from him to be friends, take it, and appologize for what he may see as your irrational behaviour, but don't expect anything from him and only let him lead this friendship.



You seem to read men well, we need our space and we don't need or like drama, what happened, happened, can't be undone, just learn from it. I would follow your plan for the 6 month hiatus, no contact unless he calls you and then go very slowly. If he wants to get back together with you, be careful and defensive of your own emotions this time. Good luck, you are not alone, will never be alone, trust me on that!

Answer 2

Yeah, it sounds like you gave that one straw too many and he packed it in, finished with the craziness. That said, your plan to wait awhile is promising because it shows you're demonstrating patience and our greatest enemy in matters of the heart are ourselves acting out of desperation. Now, have you really matured much? Your friends pointed out some of your faults, but when new situations arise do you honestly know how you'll change your reactions in the future from those of drama queen to those of rational adult? I know you've thought about things you would've done differently in the past, but those are easy because the right course to take is just the opposite of whatever you did! In situations that arise, ask yourself if you'd resort to mind games or power plays to have a sense of control or power. It's not about who controls who the best.



Let's see if we can't speed this reconciliation up. Invite him out to dinner. You're paying for this, and have it be somewhere you can talk. At first make small talk, as to say, 'Look at how normal I am.' Then, if your dinner is going nicely, not awkwardly, introduce the past. "I know I've said this before, but this is the last time I'll mention it- I promise- I'm mortified over my conduct with you. I made terrible choices out of (jealousy, spite, immaturity, I don't know) and I jerked you around alot. I'm sorry. I'm really glad you've chosen to forgive me, so that we can have some semblance of a friendship again." During this evening if he says anything that hurts your feelings or insults you, you probably deserve it so bite your tongue and suck it up.



Assuming the rest of the evening goes well. You will return to your life and if he doesn't contact you for around two weeks feel free to text him a hello- to stay in touch. Maybe he will unblock from facebook about this time, or accept your calls again. Let him see that you've matured enough, and are appealing as a woman enough to deserve that he care about maintaining a friendship. No romantic gestures need to be made on your part. The ball is in his court. You are permitted to text only, until he opens up more lines of communication. In the mean time, consider yourself single and available and don't tear your hair out if he sees other women- he is a free agent. I wish you luck, the patience of a lioness lying in wait in the tall grass, and the common sense a horse has not to run yourself off a cliff.

Answer 3

Just back off him, you are constantly trying t text or talk to him I would block you myself, just give him space so he can breath for 2 seconds and stop trying to communicate with him so much. Sorry for being a little rude but just back off and see what happens

Answer 4

just ask to be friends. there's nothing better then being friends. so what things didn't work out, there's may other guys you'll meet thoughout your life. hope this helps you. good luck!